A few lines of aviation humour

What follows are a few lines of aviation humour to help you through your Monday morning. I’ve heard some before but not all of them.

Happy smiling!

  • There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky
  • The only time you’ve got too much fuel is if you’re on fire
  • Flying is the second best thrill in the world – landing is the best
  • Death is just nature’s way of telling you to watch your airspeed
  • You can watch the clouds go by – or fly above them
  • An optimist invented the aeroplane, a pessimist invented the parachute
  • A helicopter – thousands of parts flying round an oil leak waiting for metal fatigue
  • The three most common aviation expressions: “Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Oh crap”
  • Modern aerial warfare: a $70 million aeroplane drops a $350,000 bomb on a $10 tent
  • In thrust we trust
  • Engine power: lots is good, more is better, too much is almost enough
  • Pilots get paid to sit and stare out of the window
  • The emergency exit row – with great legroom comes great responsibility
  • When all else fails – use duct tape
  • When opening the overhead bins take care – shift happens
  • Loud, sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided attention
  • Latitude is where we got lost; lontitude is how long we’ve been lost
  • There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night or over water
  • No need for a checklist, I’ve got it all memorised
  • Mummy, when I grow up I want to be a pilot. Sweetie – you can’t do both
  • The flight attendant smile – fooling passengers since 1912

2 thoughts on “A few lines of aviation humour

  1. Are you seeking additions Peter ? e.g. “An aeroplane flies by gently persuading a small, constantly moving piece of air that it is better off elsewhere. A helicopter beats the air into submission”

    A flight attendant can easily identify the amateur pilots in any group of airline passengers: they are the only ones still smiling when it is announced that both people in the pointy end had the fish.

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