What follows are a few lines of aviation humour to help you through your Monday morning. I’ve heard some before but not all of them.

Happy smiling!

• There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky
• The only time you’ve got too much fuel is if you’re on fire
• Flying is the second best thrill in the world – landing is the best
• Death is just nature’s way of telling you to watch your airspeed
• You can watch the clouds go by – or fly above them
• An optimist invented the aeroplane, a pessimist invented the parachute
• A helicopter – thousands of parts flying round an oil leak waiting for metal fatigue
• The three most common aviation expressions: “Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Oh crap”
• Modern aerial warfare: a $70 million aeroplane drops a $350,000 bomb on a $10 tent
• In thrust we trust
• Engine power: lots is good, more is better, too much is almost enough
• Pilots get paid to sit and stare out of the window
• The emergency exit row – with great legroom comes great responsibility
• When all else fails – use duct tape
• When opening the overhead bins take care – shift happens
• Loud, sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided attention
• Latitude is where we got lost; lontitude is how long we’ve been lost
• There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night or over water
• No need for a checklist, I’ve got it all memorised
• Mummy, when I grow up I want to be a pilot. Sweetie – you can’t do both
• The flight attendant smile – fooling passengers since 1912